Huge Eye Opener

I thought I'd dwell a little on my previous blog about being a crazy planner. I had a huge line up of stuff to do this past weekend. I can barely recall everything off the top of my head. Sunday was an insanely busy day for me with a 5K WW walk, a Jamboree and a run that I could hopefully fit in. The one thing I knew.... I had to plan exactly what I was going to eat all day Sunday and stick to it.

I started Sunday off with a piece of toast, peanut butter and some jam. All measured out exactly by the way! I really didn't want to eat too much before the 5K walk. This weekend WW and the Running Room partnered up for a 5K walk. It was awesome. My weekly meeting leader organized all the people that she leads throughout the city to wear yellow shirts and meet at one location and walk together. The location we were at didn't expect such a huge crowd, and although they said they were not prepared, they did a great job getting us going. There had to be at least 100 of us (this does not include the other people who were not from our leaders' meetings). There are many many many shades of yellow in the colour spectrum! I volunteered to be a group walking leader so that we could keep the people moving and not bunching up. I met some interesting people and loved the early morning walk. It doesn't matter what anyone did in terms of time,what mattered was the experince and that we all did it!

Post walk I snacked on some cherries and oranges and some baby bel cheese rounds. As I started to head to the jamboree at the rugby park, I started to think back to what I would do when I stepped out of the car upon my arrival. In the past, a trip to the rugby park for me meant smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and having a hot dog or burger, some chips and some maybe a few other not so healthy choices for me. I kept telling myself not to worry, I had my handy dandy cooler stacked with cucumbers, black bean dip, quinoa and black bean, with artichoke, zucchini. Back up oranges, apples and perrier were not far away. To boot, I haven't had a smoke since 6:00 PM, December 31, 2010 so getting through 5 hours smoke free would be a walk in the park. I must say I had the jitters. It was like the day my water broke and I had to go the hospital, I had no idea what it was going to be like. It was very nerve racking for me.

When the action got underway, I had no time to think about food. When we broke for our lunch, the kids headed for the hot dogs, burgers, chips, pop (soda), and bars while I opted to grab my cooler. I didn't even want to have a burger or a hot dog, not even a craving for it! I sat with a few parents who also brought some homemade meals to eat. Imagine my internal shock when I pulled out my lunch and no one even blinked at what I was eating, whether they simply didn't care or just thought it was normal is irrelevant. My concern that someone would say something about what I ate was all for naught. The games started adn I had no time to think about me any more, the kids had to get out to play out on the pitches again.

The day was done and I was on my way home when WHOA NELLY -- IT dawned on me ..... I just hit a massive milestone. I can no longer use being concerned or afraid of what others will say when it comes to planning my meals for outing adventures. I have dropped an old bad habit and found myself a new one, packing a healthy meal when I need to. I now know that I can go places where I didn't make healthy choices before and make or bring the right choices and not feel embarrassed in doing so.

These past months where I have been avoiding people, is my own doing. I am so thrilled to have come to the realization that I am the only one who has to be concerned about the choices I make and eat.

I will take the "I told you so" from everyone who has so diligently pointed this bit of wisdom out to me over the past couple of years.

I hope that my friends will forgive my selfishness and we can go from just keeping in touch to hanging out again!

Invitation to the party

I used to be a spontaneous spur of the moment gal.  Whenever my friends called to go on a road trip or a hockey game, or a sports filled weekend, I'd go. I never thought about what to do the next hour, let alone think about plans for the upcoming long weekend.  Whatever came my way was what I was going to do.  If I stayed out late with friends and had to go to work in a few hours, whatever, I'd sleep later.  Invite or not, we'd somehow find a party to go to.  I never really thought much about what I was doing.  I'd let the chips land where they may.  Seems they would to land in a bowl and fly into my mouth from there.  I never cared who came to the party in my mouth, whatever I wanted to eat, I ate.

When I started WW 2+ years ago, I'd go to meetings and listen to people talk about how they plan their lives.  And I am not talking just about meals, but everything right down to bed time.  I thought they were a little over the top.  I mean seriously, how can you say you are going to go to bed at precisely 9:30 PM or that you will be walking your dog from 6:00 to 6:45.  They were talking about writing lists, and tracking and monitoring everything, not just food intake.  Whoa, that's crazy, who does that kind of stuff.

I joined WW with the realization that I love food and I will always love food.  I really don't care what kind of food it is, with the exception of onions or peppers, I will pretty much eat it.  I will try most things once as long as there is not a grossness factor to it.  Heck I have even started to enjoy curry and tofu, however I have not ventured into chocolate covered insects and I doubt I ever will.  I have been struggling on how to have control without being obsessive - because I can be a little OCish. I certainly didn't want to be one of those planners I listen to at the meetings.

It all started so innocently.  I started out tracking, because tracking what you eat helps you to see where the weight loss happens.  Then I started planning my meals weekly, because that will help me not just grab and go on the fly for meals.  Then I started planning my activity and how much of it I would do daily.  I have been resisting the need to monitor my hunger signs, but now feel that if I don't, I won't know why the scale hasn't moved so much over the last 6 months.  So I have now started that.  And guess what.......

To plan my activity/exercise time, I have to schedule my bed time.  I need to get to bed at a certain time if I want to leave the house early enough to get to the pool for a reasonable time to get in my 30 minute workout and still have 20 minutes to walk to work to be on time.  Otherwise, if I get to the pool later, I have to switch up the time spent swimming because I was late and now can't do the 30 minutes and then that throws off how many points I earned (or calories I burned) and I have to correct my tracking.

Wait it gets better...... I have to eat at certain times because I have my planned run or spin class in for the afternoon and I don't want to be empty or too full.  Then I have to have my snack at a certain time, to hold me over until I get home.  You see if I eat it too early then I will probably want another snack at the appointed time and I won't have an extra one handy so I'll get the chocolate bar from the vending machine and then that throws off the tracking again.  Don't get me wrong, I actually do eat chocolate bars, I just have to plan them into the weekly meal scheduling to eat them.  The biggest realization is that these people who shared this information about routine, planning and structuring things aren't crazy.  They are the ones who are successful at losing the weight and keeping it off.

So now I treat my lists and tracking skills like bouncers in a Hollywood club.  It is by invitation only.  If the food is not on the planned menu, it is not allowed to come to the party.  This allows me to have control on what I eat and continue on my journey of being happy and healthy.

Inspiration - what pulls me through

Well I survived the ½ Marathon.  It was a new route, not that I had ever ran the other route, so it didn’t matter to me.  I was told that the new route could potentially increase your time.  Whatever.... that is a mute point for me.  I just wanted to finish in three hours.

I am a pretty organized person.  I sent a blanket email detailing the route, where I expected to be and what time.  We got up in the morning with everything ready to go.  All we had to organize was where to meet my brother and sister-in-law pre race.  We had a first potty break at the Lord Elgin Hotel.  Lucky for me there was only 2 people in line when I had to go.  When I left the potty, the line went all the way to the check in counter.  It got so bad that women were going into the men’s room.

So my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and my hubby and I walk towards the corrals.  Lucky Andre – he is in the second corral. We wish each other good luck and Marc and I head out to my corral – second last one.  The starting pistol goes off and it took me 9 minutes to cross the start line from so far at the back of the pack! I started slow which was great, that’s what I wanted, but the slow seemed way to slow for me so I may have been slightly ahead of my planned schedule.

As I ran through Chinatown, Little Italy and Westboro all I kept thinking of was how delicious the air smelled.  Oh how some Pho, a cannoli and a bagel would have been so tasty! Since I was thinking of food, I mentally went through my list of WW ladies I knew and envisioned them running with me.  They would keep pushing me past the smells.  I am so never ever ever going to run Krispy Kreme race in Atlanta – ever!!!

 I am so grateful to the kids lining up for a high five, the strangers cheering me on, the friendly faces of the volunteers handing out water and Gatorade.  They see you and give you the encouragement to stay strong and keep going.

I have been cross training and been feeling a little tired for the past couple of weeks, doing less and less on the running side.  So when I hit the 16K marker, I ran into a brick wall.  My husband and I planned to see each other at two spots.  I was looking forward to seeing him with a short distance to go.  No such luck, we just didn’t see each other.

After crossing the Alexandria Bridge I knew there was final small climb to make and at that point I thought about walking, however when I started to flatten out near the Chateau Laurier I saw a soldier walking. This soldier had a prosthetic leg.  As I approached him, I reminded myself that if this dude could do it, than I could. I stuck with him for a few steps, thanked him for what he’s done for our country, told him how awesome he is and to keep going.  Off I went, feeling very inspired to finish with pride.

At the 19K mark I spotted my Dad and took a few seconds to stop and give him a hug and kiss. I can’t describe the feeling I had from having my Daddy looking out for me along the race route.  What I do know is this is where I got the umph I needed to get through to the finish.

That last 500 meters was a tough run. I was worried about my hubby, because we hadn’t spotted each other.  Because we missed each other, I sucked it up knowing that the sooner I could finish, the sooner I would be able to see him.

When I finished I found my hubby and briefly got together with my brother-in-law who finished with a personal best, and my other brother-in-law and sister-in-laws who were also there for the finish.  I swore it was my last 1/2 ever.  Yet by the time I got home and had a nap, I started thinking about another 1/2 or full marathon. Crazy you say. I am planning on running 15K in July in Utica NY. So, ya, I am really going to have to see how I fair out in that one before planning any other runs!!

Thank you all for your support for this race! I am very grateful to each and everyone for your kind words, your support and advice!  You are an awesome support system. BTW 2:37.57.6

Change is Good - So I am told

Being raised in a military family, we changed addresses often, not as much as some, but more than others.  I don’t have a childhood home – and that is okay with me.  If I could get away with it, I have my furniture replaced every couple of years, I’d buy a new car as soon as I paid off the current one, I’d change my clothes 3 times a day at work.  I don’t need consistency, I can cope with change.

So why is that I find myself resisting a change in my running methods.  I have the National Capital Race weekend in 2 weeks.  I feel so not prepared.  I must admit when I did my first ½ back in September, I had this feeling too.  It feels like I won’t even get 5 K in.  I know that is not true, it’s just that nervous, icky feeling – and I don’t like it!

I know I have been building my endurance with spinning and swimming, I just have no desire to get out there and run.  It just feels like boredom with running is creeping in.  The runner’s high I get when I finish any run is still there. It’s the getting my backside in gear to get out and do it where I lack the motivation.

I have always enjoyed my running solo.  I was able to clear my head of dust and cobwebs – it can get pretty crowded in there if I don’t dust regularly.  I didn’t have to talk to anyone; I didn’t have to worry about increasing my pace.  I could go at my own pace.  I now myself wondering on my runs if I am not challenging myself enough or maybe have even set my sights too far ahead of myself that I am trying to look beyond the NCR weekend and heading towards the beer tents at the Boilermaker run.  Maybe my shoes just aren’t the right ones and the aches in my legs are from them and that’s why I don’t want to get out there and run.  That I will find out more next week when I venture into the technology world and get hooked up to some thingies that will measure my gait etc.

So I am going to tackle one thing at a time.  So even though I am not a fan of the Running Room format, I will make my way down this Sunday morning at the crazy hour of 8:30 am and do a trial run.  I will learn rather quickly if the ticket I am missing is running in a group.  And maybe, just maybe, I have to kick it down and run more often so I can remember the great high I get from the run.  I won’t know until I try out all my options.

What I love about this journey is that I get to change my mindset often.  I started out a solo runner and now I may have progressed myself to the point where I need to make a small change – like group running or even just a running buddy or even just my shoes.  No matter what it is, a change has to be made and I will embrace it!

Ctrl Alt Del

I have rebooted myself!  I have been trying to lose a certain number of pounds for the past two years.  During that time I have set new goals, achieved them and been moving to improve some of them.  The thing is, I lost focus on what I really want to do and that was to lose weight to be healthy and fit.   Regardless of what others think is a good weight for me, it is what I think is important and right for me that counts.

While training for a ½ marathon is great, I seem to plateau on the weight loss side of it.  I have read articles that talk about running and losing weight and they all say the same thing, - if you are expecting large losses, don’t train for races.  And it’s true.  I became so obsessed with training for my runs that I forgot all about the reasons I started running and the loss I want.  Then I realized that I was paying money to go to WW every week and the scale wasn’t moving.  I have slowed my running down and this week I hit the ctrl alt delete keys in my head and have totally rebooted myself mentally this week. 

I lost my vision and focus as I became self competitive to set a personal best for running, when what I should have been really been looking at is what my original plan was.  I can challenge myself to lose weight just as easily as I can challenge myself to pick up the pace and move my feet faster.  I know that when I reach my desired weight, I will be able to set personal bests and it is all about me and what I want.

I am refocusing on the weight loss and fitness aspect of my program and will run/walk/jog my way through this next ½ marathon at my own pace because I made that commitment to do it.

Will I know when I get there?

New thing for me.  I won't kid you, it took me a few months to decide whether or not this was something I wanted to do.  With some encouragement from friends and family, I have finally decided to jump in and go for it!

I started WW two years ago for the upmteenth time. My first six months were more or less a ya ya ya whatever attitude. I just kept tossing money down the drain. I am closer to 90 than I ever imagined.

Then I went on a golf vaca with my parents. We had carts and could only drive on the cart path. Which meant we still did a good amount of walking. I actually could not keep up the pace with my parents. 67 and 72. I felt pathetic, sweaty and upset over my lack of fitness. I suffered the self disappointment in silence. I spent the rest of the vacation trying to come up with a plan, and figure out what I needed to do.

When we got home, I started walking with my Mom. We are very close and the walks are still something we both look forward to 5 days a week. Well at least in the off golf season!! At first I couldn't keep up with my mother, eventually it got to the point where I had to slow myslef down for her. I then found myself starting to run. Something I did in gym class all those years ago because I had to. I figured I'd run 5K max. No not me, apparently I love to be challenged physically. I am now training for my second 1/2 marathon. I would like to have numbers 3 and 4 under my belt before the end of this year so that I can start training for marathons in the new year.

I have a wonderful support group. My family is fantastically encouraging and inspiring.  My friends have been wonderful and I could not ask for a more supportive team.

As I keep pondering where I want to be, I often wonder if I need to make that choice or will I just know when I get there.

I could go on and on but will save it for another post.