FEAR, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, CHANGE

I am so nervous and scared to ride a bike on a road without a bike lane.  So much so that I break out into shakes and sweats and sometimes even tears.  I’ve been hit by cars, I know of people hit by cars.  Cars are bigger than me, they can do damage.  Lord knows this temple of mine needs no more damage.

So after a few weeks shy of a year since I was last on a bike, my Bacon buddy Brent offered to take me on a very flat ride.  He knows my fear is so strong that he biked 3+K to my house to pick me up to start the ride. He rides the outside limit of the curb/bike/car ratio.  I hug the curb; I’d rather hit the curb and wipe out over the curb then have a car anywhere near me. First thing he did, tell me the signals and what they all mean, like the shaking your hands all about means gravel, right arm fully extended and at 90 degrees – right turn, right arm down and finger pointing – hole in the road – DANGER DANGER!!!

We started at a slow pace – well slow for Bacon Brent! The light gods were on our side we had little to no wait time for the green lights.  As we headed up Jeanne D’Arc south to Innes, I had the Vulcan death grip on my handlebars.  Some cars were gracious enough to pull over, some not so much.  We had to cut over two lanes to turn left onto Innes and hit the bike lane.  This time the traffic and light gods were in our favour.  Once I made it to the bike lane I felt a surge of confidence flow through my veins.

Bacon Brent was a great lead and I started to worry that I was slowing him down and maybe not pushing myself to hard.  After all, I should be focusing on my fitness and my goals now that I was safe in the bike lane.  Yes I know even bike lanes aren’t safe, but they are safer than no lanes.

At the 30 minute mark Brent mentioned it was the turnaround point.  I thought we were going all the way to the stop sign and said we could go that far if he wanted.  Funny how you think something is closer than it really is because when you are in the car it takes 1/3 of the time it does to bike it.  We rode side by side (ish) on this huge shoulder and I was feeling at ease. It was a nice leisure ride for Bacon Brent I am sure.  We chatted about races, family and life.  We go back over 20 years, life sure was different then.  I even mentioned that 20+ years ago, I would never have imagined him and me on bikes training together, funny how life and people change.

After the turn around and the ride back down Frank Kenny and heading back on Innes heading West, I convinced myself that Brent could make his turnoff to home if he wanted and I could do the 3+ on my own.  At first I would take a few side roads because I knew they had bike lanes most of the way home and I wouldn’t have to continue down Jeanne D’Arc with no lanes.  By the way, Frank Kenny is an awesome road for biking or running on because the shoulder is ginormous.

By the time it came for Bacon Brent to make the turn, I convinced myself that I could ride Jeanne D’Arc safely and with confidence.  We parted ways and I sailed through the next round with the traffic and light gods pushing at my back. And then BAM – Jeanne D’Arc. 

I made the right turn, told myself to not get too close to the curb, and to watch my distance and look for holes and stuff.  At this point the light gods vanished.  I was stopped, with my foot on the curb, so I was pretty tight to the curb and a car pulled up tight to me.  So tight that my handle bar had about two inches of clearance.  I was praying they weren’t turning, because I would be toast.  I start to shake a lot, and feel tears swelling up. Light changes and they burn rubber – really dude is all that went through my mind. And off I go, holding back the tears. The jerk pulled a U-turn (no I did not flip the bird at the stop light!) comes back around just to get close again.  I couldn’t get the plate because I was so angry and scared I was crying so much.  I peddled my ass off at this point, constantly shoulder checking.  A few more cars would pass me, all seemed to sense my freakedoutedness and giving me space.  As I made the last big road turn to head home tears of joy quickly replaced the anger ones. I made it.  I did a huge distance, by my standards, and I survived some asswipe’s rage against cyclists.

My plan was to run after the ride.  It took me about 3 minutes to get off the bike after I stopped peddling.  My led legs were not moving.  As I walked up the driveway with the bike and put it in the garage, I heard a voice lovingly calling out to me.  It was the hot tub.  I swear, it was singing my name and telling me that a run would have to wait.  Led Legs needed to soak.

I am a very aggressive car driver. Maybe this is why I am scared shitless on the bike. If I am not very forgiving of cyclists, there are others who are not as well.

I don’t know when hand signals changed, but apparently they have.  I think every driver’s hand book and license test should include cycling signals and rules of the road for cyclists. I didn’t know that a bike has the same rights as a car. Not all cyclists stop at lights or stop signs, but then again neither do all car drivers.  Some people just roll on through.

Before riding a bike last year, I had a tendency to not give cyclists more room than they need on the road.  I thought I was giving sufficient room now, but perhaps I am not.  After this ride I will consciously remind myself to give a lot more space, slow down if I can’t move around far enough safely for both me and the cyclist. After all, if I was in such a hurry, I should have left earlier.

If I change my mindset on riding the road, surely everyone can become a little more conscientious of sharing the road. I am still afraid of riding the road, but maybe not as much.  I am looking forward to my Friday ride.

To have someone with patience, faith and encouragement to get me on the road and relearn the road rules, and signs is wonderful.  I have no idea how to express my gratitude for his paying it forward for me, other than to continue to ride and maybe one day after I have mastered the basics, I can help someone learn.

Huge kudos to you Brent for helping me face my fears and coaching me along the way.

Today it is open swim night at Britannia. Should be interesting, because I haven’t done that in a little under a year either! I have been in the pool, but that is a whole different ball game.  Time to try out the new wet suit! Someone should be there recording me trying to get out of it! It will be comical!!!